Not a Second Chance Read online

  “It’s just pancakes.”

  “Which I haven’t made in years. I don’t make pancakes for myself.”

  Yeah, and he was alone in the morning most of the time. It was a little strange to think of Sidney as a man who didn’t do relationships, who was more of a one-night stand kind of guy. The way he’d casually talked about never sleeping with a woman more than five times…It just didn’t seem right. Not for him. Because, like she’d said, he’d been more serious about her than she was about him, and in many ways, he’d been a good boyfriend. Bringing her breakfast in bed and shit like that.

  “You can make pancakes tomorrow morning to practice,” she said.

  “I may not have made them in a long time, but I don’t need practice.”

  “Now that I think about it, I do remember you making blueberry pancakes for us all once,” Kristy said to Sidney.

  “I don’t remember this,” Maya said. “Apparently my memory is crap. But I do remember the two of you—”

  “Stop.” Allison held up a hand.

  “You don’t know what I was going to say.”

  “I can make a few guesses, and none of them are good.”

  Sidney lifted his arm off her waist and drew her hand down. He kept his hand covering hers after he’d brought it to her lap, and Allison was reminded of him holding her hand under the table when they went out for dinner—cheap dinners because they were students—back in the day. Those small gestures of affection. She pulled away and reached for another chip.

  But he left his hand on her leg and stroked her inner thigh with his thumb. She let out a shaky breath and pressed her thighs together. And remembered what they’d been doing before her friends showed up.

  She tried to get her mind off that, tried to think of something more appropriate. “We have to buy flour tomorrow,” she said. “I don’t have any. I never use it.” But she couldn’t quite bring herself to move Sidney’s hand off her thigh.

  “That’s right,” he said. “You’re not much of a cook. I remember you cooking bacon while I made pancakes, but that’s about it.”

  “I’m more of a cook than I was back in school. Don’t assume I’m the same person I was back then.”

  “And yet you seem to be assuming I’m the same man I was ten years ago. But that’s not the case at all.”

  From some of the things he’d told her about his life now, it was true that he seemed quite different from the guy he’d been back in university. Yet it was also true that she kept bringing up stuff he’d done back then, and she treated him like he hadn’t changed.

  Not that she would admit he was right. Even when he was stroking her leg like that.

  “I’m not assuming anything,” she said.

  He snorted. “Yeah, right.”

  “But one thing that hasn’t changed is how we get along. It’s the same as it was at the end.”

  “That’s true.”

  “Wow, we agree again,” she said. “Front page news. Twice in an hour.”

  “I think it was more like an hour and a half.”

  “No, I’m—”

  “Guys, this is stupid,” Kristy said. “No need to argue about things like this.”

  Allison had a gulp of her margarita. This was going to be a very long weekend. Three hours since she’d met him in the bakery, and it already felt like a full day. Or two. The only thing that made it bearable was the way he was touching her. Maybe she shouldn’t bother trying to think about something more appropriate. Focusing on this was the only way she’d ever get through the next two days.

  “Shouldn’t you be happy we’re arguing?” Sidney asked Kristy. “When you give us advice like this, it almost sounds like you want to lose the bet.”

  “Of course I want you to fail,” Kristy said. “And I know you will. But—”

  “What’s the fun in it lasting only a couple hours?” Maya jumped in. “I want to see if you stab each other in your sleep.”

  Allison glanced at her watch. Forty-six hours and twenty-three minutes to go.

  Chapter 5

  Allison returned to her place with Sidney around ten. Before she could take off her shoes, he had her backed against the door. He wrapped his hands around her wrists and held her arms up on either side of her. She could feel the cool door on the back of her hands, but most of what she was feeling was the warmth of man in front of her, the length of his body against hers.

  She looked up at his handsome face, the one she hadn’t recognized at first, and swallowed. “Aren’t you going to kiss me?”

  “Yes.” But he made no move to do so, just stood there with his eyes focused on hers, a slight smile on his lips.

  She rolled her eyes. “What do I have to do to get you to kiss me?”

  “Nothing. I’ll do it when I’m ready.”

  “Great. Since you know I want to be kissed, we’ll probably stand here for hours.”

  He dropped his forehead to hers. “But then I’d be torturing myself too, and I don’t want that.”

  “Of course you don’t.” Allison said the words carelessly, then sucked in a breath.

  She sure hoped he wouldn’t wait very long. To kiss her, or to fuck her. They’d been about to do just that four hours ago, and then her friends had come over. Four hours she’d been waiting, after ten years apart. He looked different now, but the intensity between them—that was the same.

  When she squirmed, he said, “I think what you really want is not a kiss but something more.”

  “Perhaps.”

  “Hmm.” He ground his hips against hers; she wished there was nothing between them.

  “But I’m not wet at all,” she said.

  “That’s not going to work this time.”

  “Fine. I’m wet. You could slide right into me.”

  “That’s not going to work either.” But his breath was shaky.

  She might be trapped against the door, but she still had some power over him.

  “If you let go of my hands,” she said, “I’ll touch you.”

  Sidney responded by kissing her on the mouth. A ravenous kiss that sent currents of heat all through her body and filled her with need. She wished she could grip his shoulders, dig her fingertips into his skin, but she couldn’t when he was holding her like this.

  “Come on,” she whispered. “Please.”

  “I love when you beg like this.”

  “I know you do.”

  “Is that why you said it?”

  “No. I just want you to hurry up and fuck me.”

  He pulled back and quirked his lips. When he finally let go of one of her hands, she lifted up his T-shirt and began exploring the hard planes of his chest. God, he felt so good. Strong and masculine. His skin against hers—she could hardly wait.

  His lips brushed her ear. “I like these jeans,” he said, squeezing her ass with his available hand. “Reminds me of what you were wearing the day we met.”

  “You remember the day we met?”

  “You don’t?”

  “A little. But I don’t remember what you were wearing.”

  “I was staring at you all night, and it’s burned into my memory.”

  Allison hated that she wanted to smile at his words. Hopefully they would stop talking about this now, but she was afraid if she expressed that wish, he’d just tell her more things she didn’t want to hear.

  To her surprise, he sighed and said, “Let’s forget about that.”

  Sidney let go of her other hand and spread both of his hands under her ass. He lifted her up, and she wrapped her legs around his waist, her arms around his neck. He walked to her bedroom and set her down on the bed. His eyes never left her body as he stripped off her clothes. She didn’t usually like being naked—it made her uncomfortable. But with Sidney, she’d never been uncomfortable like this, not even the first time.

  “You’re beautiful,” he murmured.

  “So are you.”

  They always used to do that: he’d tell her she was beautiful or pretty, a
nd she’d say, “So are you.” She wished she hadn’t said it now, but she hadn’t been able to help it; it was instinctive, even after all these years.

  He climbed on top of her and slid his hand down from her neck, achingly slow. Well, it probably wasn’t all that slow, but it felt like it to her.

  Finally he pushed a finger inside her; she clutched his shoulders.

  “Now this is about where we were when your friends interrupted us,” he said.

  “Not quite. We—”

  “I said about where we were. Not exactly.” He paused. “Tell me what you want.”

  “No. Because then you’ll do the opposite.”

  His lopsided grin did dangerous things to her. Not fair that he’d become so attractive. Every inch of her body needed him to be closer. He could be damn infuriating, but that didn’t matter right now.

  “I promise I won’t,” he said. “Not this time. Unless you request something ridiculous.”

  She briefly considered doing that, but she was unable to come up with something completely ridiculous when she wanted him so badly. “Let’s do it now. As soon as you get your clothes off.”

  He undressed in a hurry, and her mouth went dry at the sight of his naked body. It had been far too long since she’d done this. She followed the trail of hair down to his navel, then lower. His cock was erect and ready to take her, and oh, she needed to have him inside her. Needed him.

  He rolled on a condom and lay on top of her, rubbing the head of his cock against her clit, then around her entrance.

  “I was thinking about this all through dinner.” He dropped his head to hers and kissed her mouth. “Couldn’t stop thinking about what I was going to do when I got you alone.”

  Sidney lifted himself up slightly. And there was something about the look in his eyes, the desire written all over his face…

  Allison didn’t want to see his expression while he fucked her. It would be too intimate.

  Before he could plunge inside, she rolled onto her stomach.

  “Yeah?” He chuckled. “Raise yourself up on your knees so I can touch you properly.”

  She did, and he pushed into her at last. She grabbed onto the sheets as he filled her body, as he reached between her legs and stroked her.

  “Good?” he said.

  “Of course it’s…good.”

  He started slowly, and every time he thrust inside her, she gasped.

  “Better get used to it,” he said. “You’re going to take a lot of me this weekend.”

  Yes. God, yes. That sounded like the perfect weekend.

  She screamed for him, and she kept shuddering as he shoved into her hard. It didn’t take long for him to finish, grunting her name as he came.

  Afterward, he rolled Allison onto her back and kissed her softly on the mouth. Neither of them said anything; they just kissed, but without the urgency they’d had earlier.

  So much for her attempt to avoid intimacy.

  * * * *

  Twenty minutes later, Allison was still in a state of postcoital bliss. She lay on her stomach, the covers pulled up to her waist. Sidney was on his side, idly stroking her back. Although it was pleasant, the peacefulness that had descended upon them was sort of disturbing. She shouldn’t feel so at peace when she was in bed with her ex-boyfriend, shouldn’t feel so close to him. Still, it was nice not to be fighting all the time.

  “I should have let you do more work,” he said. “Since you’re so concerned about all those calories you consumed.”

  “There’s always next time.”

  “That might have to wait until tomorrow. It’s already past my bedtime.”

  “It’s not that late.”

  “I have to wake up early for work, so I go to sleep early.”

  “And you used to love staying up until three, then missing your morning classes.”

  He laughed. “That’s true. I’ll give you that.”

  Neither of them said anything for a couple minutes. When Sidney spoke again, she nearly jumped.

  Especially because of what he said. “You mentioned you hadn’t had any decent sex in two years. Does that mean you had bad sex more recently?”

  “I did.”

  “What happened?”

  “I thought men didn’t want to hear about this sort of thing. Jealousy, you know.”

  “If we were still together…” He shook his head. “Never mind. I’m just curious.”

  “I suppose this could be an ego boost. Because you’re much better in bed than he was.”

  “Why, thank you.”

  She turned her head away from Sidney; he kept stroking her back.

  “The problem,” she began. It was weird to say this out loud. She hadn’t told anyone before. “The problem was that he was too big.”

  “And you said this would be an ego boost.”

  “Size is only good up to a certain point. Then it hurts like a bitch. And he didn’t seem to be aware that it could cause a problem, even though it must have come up in the past. I guess that was the main problem—he didn’t care how it felt for me.”

  “That sucks.” Sidney said nothing for a moment. “If anything hurts, you’ll tell me, right?”

  “When have I ever kept my mouth shut with you when something was wrong?”

  “Very true.”

  Allison had no worries of something like that happening with him; he’d always been focused on her pleasure. Plus he wasn’t inhumanly large. Just pleasantly large.

  “I assume you’ve had relationships since we broke up?” he said.

  “Yes, I’ve had a few. One for over a year when I was at UBC.”

  “A year. Wow. What happened?”

  “He graduated and got a job in Europe.”

  Sidney rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling.

  “So now you know what it’s like,” he muttered, clasping his hands behind his head.

  She turned toward him. “That wasn’t the only reason I broke up with you. It wasn’t just because I was going out to BC for grad school.”

  “I know. The other reason was that you thought I was a loser.”

  Well, so much for feeling peaceful. That never lasted long where Sidney was concerned. Now they were back to the way things usually were between them. The way things were supposed to be.

  “The main reason I dumped you,” she said, “was that I didn’t love you, though perhaps those two were connected.” How the hell could she have loved someone who couldn’t get off his ass to do anything more than make pancakes?

  “Even if my life had been in order, I don’t think it would have changed anything. And I was a twenty-two-year-old student—how much could you expect?”

  “That you put a tiny amount of effort into school or thinking about what you’d do afterward.”

  “Even if I had, it wouldn’t have mattered,” he said. “You were so out of touch with your feelings. All you wanted was a distraction. If I’d been the love of your life, you still wouldn’t have noticed.”

  “Not true. And it sure is something to hear this coming from you—you’re the one who’s sworn off relationships. All you ever want now is a distraction.”

  He sighed. “I’m too tired to argue. Believe whatever you want.” He closed his eyes and quickly fell asleep.

  But Allison lay awake for a long time, not used to the heavy breathing of a sleeping man in her bed.

  At least that’s what she told herself.

  Chapter 6

  Sidney rubbed his eyes and looked at the alarm clock. Five thirty. Great. Why the hell couldn’t he sleep in? It was the weekend; he didn’t need to be at work by seven.

  He spent the next half hour hopelessly trying to fall back to sleep and hopelessly trying not to look at Allison. She was lying on her side, facing him, her black hair spread over the pillow. It was hard not to look at her when she was so gorgeous. And peaceful—unlike when she was awake. If she was awake, she was usually arguing with him.

  It hadn’t been like that at the beginn
ing. Although they’d had many spirited discussions and disagreements, they never got pissed off at each other. But somehow, that had changed.

  He had no idea when she’d wake up. Back in the day, she used to wake up at a decent time on the weekend, and he was the one who’d sleep in until eleven or twelve. If they were at her place—which they usually were—she would’ve already gotten in a couple hours of studying by then. If they were at his place, she’d just let herself out, unless she had brought books with her.

  So he doubted she’d wake up too late. But it was only six—he probably still had a bit of time. Enough time to go to the twenty-four-hour grocery store and buy flour.

  Except…they were supposed to spend the entire weekend together. Would her friends consider this cheating? He didn’t think they’d care, though—she was sound asleep. He was quite sure Allison wouldn’t consider it cheating anyway, and she could decide what they told Kristy and Maya.

  Sidney couldn’t believe he’d agreed to this ridiculous arrangement.

  He got out of bed and found Allison’s keys by the door. Before he went out, he decided he’d better check what she had in the fridge. Perhaps he’d need to get eggs as well.

  He opened the fridge and saw…nothing. Upon closer inspection, he found mustard, ketchup, mayonnaise, and maple syrup. There was also a single carrot and a carton of soy milk at the very back. Hmm. Her cupboards weren’t quite so bare, and her freezer was full.

  It had been a long time since he’d poked around in a woman’s kitchen. Usually when he woke up early the morning after, he just left. Unless she woke up early too, and then they’d have sex again before he left.

  But Allison was—

  He shouldn’t think of Allison Wong as being different. She wasn’t. Except that they’d dated for a while back in school, and they had to spend the whole weekend together. Not that different, really.

  * * * *

  When he returned with a few bags of groceries, she still hadn’t gotten out of bed. He started the coffeemaker and tried to put everything he’d bought in the right place. Allison drank a lot of coffee—or at least she used to.

  By the time she emerged, the coffee was ready, and he was debating where to put the flour and baking powder. Next to the sugar, maybe.